Dear Wife, I’m writing this letter to you to tell you that I’m leaving you, forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell… Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even see that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You stopped telling me that you love me; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever is the case, I’m gone. Your Ex-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Now comes the wife’s turn…
Receiving your letter made my day. It’s true you and I have been married for seven long years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. I did notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I did not comment.
Confused with my sister
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone…
Carla or Carl?
Everything happens for a reason. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.