There are few good women. And there are even fewer good men. If you meet a worthy person on your life path, don’t miss him! The end of the line is over there, around the bend, get into it and think with what tricks you can lure this man to the registry office.
I hope that all these years you did not waste your time and worked on yourself, developed spiritually, and made money savings? Otherwise, your chances of connecting your life with a decent person are zero.
I’m kidding. But there is some truth in every joke. Women themselves do not notice how they make fatal mistakes for the relationship, and then blame the men and fate, the wrong mother’s upbringing, and girlfriends who gave ineffective advice for everything.
Perhaps there are women in your environment who are struggling to please someone, armed with the thought that water wears away a stone. Or they hold someone by the hem of their jacket and beg them not to leave them. Or they fenced themselves off from the men and decided that the one who was destined by fate would not go anywhere, and, if necessary, would pass through the concrete walls.
All this is a position, a cry of despair, an attempt to remake what has been given so that it becomes the way one wants.
I also have girlfriends who fight for their female happiness, develop strategies, and manipulate. Either they like this game, or they cannot understand in any way that the relationship is not built this way.
Several years ago, I read the love story of the writer Stevenson on the Internet. Before her, all those pathetic attempts that we call relationships under the status “everything is complicated” – fade away. If everything is difficult – then get away, push away, release. The more you get stuck in this quagmire, the less chance you have for true love.
Well, I’m telling the story itself.
Robert Louis Stevenson met Fanny when she was 36 years old and she was already raising two children – a boy and a girl, 9 and 16 years old.
Stevenson immediately realized that this was exactly the woman he had been looking for all his life. My heart prompted. But she was in no hurry to reciprocate his feelings, although even her children liked the writer very much.
The woman set a condition for testing feelings: they will not see each other for exactly a year, and if his attitude towards her does not change, then we will talk. Stevenson was full of inspiration from this meeting, it was during this period that he wrote his iconic books, which became known all over the world.
A year has passed. The writer received a telegram from his beloved that she had received consent to a divorce. Only now Stevenson’s parents and friends spoke out sharply against this union and twisted a finger to his temple, discouraged the man from marrying. The father was categorically against the wedding and did not allocate money to his son for a trip to America, where Fanny lived.
The writer covered a huge distance on an emigrant ship, on a train, and rode a horse. He fell out of the saddle, lost consciousness. He was accidentally discovered by a local hunter after a couple of days, insensible and weakened.
Still, Stevenson achieved his goal, and in May 1880 he married Fanny in San Francisco. He lived with her all his life. Parents and friends, who did not believe in the sincerity of feelings, changed their anger to mercy.
Many will object and say that such love stories happen once every hundred years. But this is not the case. You, too, have a right to such a story, if you do not stop replacing it with a substitute, a fake, an imitation. If you don’t stop looking for compromises and adjusting.
So what mistakes do women make?
Fear
A woman is afraid that she will not find another like that. Afraid that her man will be taken away while she gags. She is afraid of being left alone and agrees to the one who is nearby or the one who is simpler.
Girls, remember, the one who is not afraid to let go and lose a man has a greater significance than the one who clung to him and gives arguments why they should live together.
Haste and self-doubt
A woman is in a hurry to marry a man or move to live with him before he changes his mind. Take Fanny’s example. Push the guy hard. Forbid him to see you. If he still longs for a life together, then all is not lost. 99% of men give up and prefer to look for another, accommodating one.
For a woman, this means only one thing – she does not represent any special value. And if now she can easily be replaced with another, it means that in 10 years, when she gives birth to three children, the man will pack up and leave.
There is a delightful Italian proverb: What is yours, no one else will take.
If you are afraid of losing your man, start understanding yourself. Something has gone wrong in your life as it is full of addiction and vulnerability.
Little nuance
Jews say: love me less, but longer.
A big, all-consuming love that overcomes any distance and barriers is, of course, good. Especially in cinema and literature. Wise, experienced people say that a pot set on a high fire boils away faster. Most likely, Stevenson and Fanny were just incredibly lucky to live together for many years.
But, I think, you have learned the main lesson – love is either there or not. There are no other variations.